What do you do when you meet someone new? What happens after "hello". Meeting new people is hard. At the very core of meeting new people is kindness and respect. But what if you need a service from this new stranger? What if you aren't looking to be friends forever?
When you're hiring a service provider the basic things to ask about about scheduling, fees and supplies. When can you get help and how much it's going to cost are essential. Or else how are you going to get your project started?
In the case of counseling, the project is self-awareness and maybe relationship building. Tell me about areas that need improvement. I'll explain the how part to making that happen. My methods or relationship building include: writing, talking, role play and laughing at oneself. A lot of time we can get in our own way.
Tell me what you're looking for in a therapist. I am going to be your temporary friend, ally, advocate and possibly a critique. The role of our relationship is to build you up and maybe bring you up by tearing down some negative beliefs. Together you can rebuild a better relationship with yourself and others.
For additional information stay on this website.

Sometime I arrive at the wrong conclusion. Usually going with the gut isn't wrong. Expressing why you go with your gut is optional. When someone doesn't like your decision there can be shock and hurt. However like Mary Poppins, explanations for why a decision was made is unnecessary. When other parties are involved maybe conversations can happen later to arrive at a compromise or alleviate disappointment.
If you want to learn empathy there is always more than one side. But if your bias is toward being overly cautious when encountering loud noise or a recording, the fight or flight may kick in that influences. Sometimes you may be to embarassed or uninterested to ask questions to arrive at a different conclusion. I will avoid this situation based on insufficient info or wrong info. When you see value in asking questions do so. Like who what where when why or ask for something to be repeated.
But if you know you got a bias toward authority and controlling people, you may be too scared and withdraw. I know I do. Sometimes if there's a choice between your safety or that of someone else. Choose you. To learn more about boundaries, call the number anywhere on this site.

For those movie watchers and readers out there.....
Do you read or watch a movie to escape or to find something relevant to your situation? For a couple of hours or couple of pages finding someone like you can feel very good. Books, movies and tv shows have characters that are adventurers, looking for love or trying to grow up. Those themes are universal.
If you haven't found love or the perfect career than can result in anxiety, depression and or something worse. So who are you? Are you "Nancy Drew" an inquisitive clever person who gets things done and is popular? Or are do you relate more to the array of characters in "Harry Potter"?
The professors in Harry Potter were one teens who didn't have it all together. Now as adults though they all practice magic. There is a hierarchy at Hogwarts. Have you noticed who the favorite professors are?
All of us are on the same journey to stay alive, earn money to live and have fun and to connect wiht others. Do you have difficulty connecting with others? I sure do. Compassion may start with a smile, but then a person has to open their mouth. In the age of social media and texting practically everyone sometimes avoids conversation. That is sad.
Going the extra mile of texting, calling and email are all good methods to cover your bases. It isn't being needy to be persistent. Do you wonder if you are too desperate or too withdrawn? Thinking in terms of excesses or acting exaggerated takes lots of energy. The doubt prompted by how should one behave causes lots of anxiety and depression in others, because people are meant to get along.  Yes, there is a lot of cruelty in the world. But you don't have to be everyone's best friend.
The "Harry Potter" cast of kids were a genial cohort who bonded over a common interest temporarily. Who knows it they'd be besties as adults. In the moment practice kindness and don't go looking for a bestie.
Inside we are all trying to become happier people if not better people. A smart way to become happier is to look in the mirror and say "THANK YOU FOR WHAT". Starting the day with "poor me" may not get you very far.
  I am Snape, Dumbledore and McGonogal rolled into one! I got practical advice, I've experienced disappointment and I got humor. Without the bad you can't appreciate the good as fast. Want to get further in your wellness journey, come talk to me.

I don't wear my heart on my sleeve, but I have one.
Experiences can make us afraid to try and fear rejection. I don't.
I've been in a hospital bed, i've been next to a bedside, I've had lost and I've overcome being excessively sheltered. I've also not been hired for a job.
Endurance takes savvy, courage and kindness. Callers who don't become clients call me rude. i say I am extremely clear, direct and I have expectations that I'd like to think aren't too high. The world runs on exchanging items.
Exchange money get merchandise.
Exchange a greeting, you may get one back or the person will look away.
I don't wear my hear on my sleeve, because lots of people can't handle gentleness or assertiveness.
Smiling in person is something I do a lot because I may never see the person again.

People who have been hurt fear being hurt again. I know I do. But I gotta make a living.
Repeatedly asking for answers is a good way to heal.
Insisting on gaining clarity can improve relationships. How do you do that?
1)Make an appointment for a conversation with your friend or foe
2) Check the facts you are given.
3) Ask yourself are you telling the whole truth to get the desired outcome or are you holding out because you're scared?
4) How do you want to influence the situation? Organize your thoughts by making a list. Do you want forgiveness? Do you another date? What do you need to do to get help and support?
5) Share that list in your next converastion. See #1.

There's no guarantee that you'll get your way. Going through these step will either by a confidence builder or lead to bone crushing defeat. If the latter happens it isn't completely your fault. It takes two  to make a relationship work. When the other person's gut says it wont sooner than yours does, then walk away.
Your heart will heal. Mine did.

Ever have one of those experiences that you enjoyed so much, you do it again? Do you remember being on a swing? I do. Recalling an adult pushing me harder so I could go higher and higher. Being a swing brought lots of glee. I sure don’t remember learning to be afraid heights being on a swing.
My legs moving made me feel strong. The air on my face and wind blowing my hair made swinging fun. Competing on who could go higher or stop sooner was also fun. As adults we continue to do the wrong things  “again and again”. This isn’t so much fun
Adults remarry in hope of getting commitment correct or finding a greater amount of joy. Job jumpers look for security in the same industry or an utterly new field. Again and again people are in search for something or do the same things repeatedly because it feels good. I mean who can stop at one potato chip?
Going to my favorite places on vacation is great. Escaping to warm climates where I know the hotel staff will treat me well keeps me coming back. If you got a routine that yields results you want like pleasure or weight loss. Keep doing it. What if the same attitude or the same system stops working?
Attending my classes helped me advance in school. I attended class, did the homework and repeatedly succeeded. Being a student was easier than being in the workforce. In school there were ways to make a for a bad grade. Applicants who don’t even make it to the interview stage can get discouraged by the repeated rejections.  Why do those people keep trying? Jobseekers are often motivated by financial need or a desire to serve or show off their talent.
How does a person not become a quitter? Or should a person learn to accept and withdraw from an untenable situation. The answer to both is “repeated introspection”. One of my favorite questions is “so what”. It’s sounds much less pointed and judgmental than “why”. Asking yourself what is the significance of preferred outcome or its absence helps a person discern the long-term impact of an outcome on oneself and others.  Some events can have a multifactor ripple effect and others don’t


Periods of uncertainty will come and go. But values are forever. Our core values help answer the “so what” questions of life again and again. Will survive another economic downturn? Will be happier in this new marriage?  Questions such as these can be answered by our values of how we see ourselves, our role in the world and the world itself.  If you can separate yourself from the situation and based on your values can see that DESPITE the bad situation that you are intrinsically good, then the situation is easier to endure. If you know and believe that you are good as opposed to malicious then it’s easier to look at one’s role in the situation. Sometimes there no one played a role to a job ending or a relationship going south.


Our values can greatly influence our attitude and reaction to bad events in the world; whether they happen once or multiple times. People who keep trying either learn from their mistakes or don’t see an unhappy ending as a failure. An attitude of hope or belief that one is deserving of something good keeps us trying again and again. Not to mention that success, though infrequent sometimes is sufficient reward to keep us going in the game of life.